Parkinson's and love
Our author "Dini" has approached this topic, which is more of a sorrow than a happiness for those affected, in her very personal way. She shares her experience with us and gives hope to those who have given up.
Jurgen Zender, August 29.11.2023, XNUMX
Who would take me, who would want a woman by their side who has an illness that will increasingly take away her quality of life?
Who wants to give up their life, their freedom bit by bit, for someone they just met?
Who is willing to help? Who is willing to take on a journey that involves an uncertain path?
Who wants to live a life with someone like me?
All the questions were there, the thoughts that were circling around me as I stood at the train station in Stuttgart. And waited for the train into my new life.
I've thought about it so much over the past few weeks, I've used my rehab, and my goal has never been clearer. It's time, time for a new life, time for me and my daughter to go.
I knew that ending my marriage after 16 years was the right decision. I was aware that I will probably be alone forever, only my daughter at my side, who of course will eventually stand in front of me and make her way into her independent life.
I was aware of all this, and yet I was happier than ever, because it all felt good and right. Living with an alcoholic is not living. Neither for me nor for my child. My daughter's father now lives in a nursing facility, he is dry, but the realization came too late, he will never be able to live independently again due to the consequences of alcohol consumption.
But he lives for that you should be thankful.
And me? What about me, why are men so afraid of my illness? I was sitting with a friend, he looked at me and said stop looking, you'll never find anything until you stop looking. There is the right one for each of us, each of us is so busy searching that we will encounter the right one again and again, but will never notice it. As long as you search, you will always meet the wrong ones, so just stop doing it, the right one will come by itself.
I don't know why, but exactly this sentence was so essential for me, because it was the same, I have to stop looking. I have to live I have to learn to live.
I was only 21 years old when I got married, and even then it was really just an escape. Today I realize that, today I know that it was never love, it was an escape that I have paid a high price for all these years. But without this escape I would not have the most important thing at my side today, my daughter.
2 years ago I found out what love is.
Don't get me wrong, my daughter is my greatest love, she grew inside me, she is the most incredible gift I've received. I would give anything for her, really anything.
I stood there helpless a total of three times, desperate and begging, dear God, please don't take them away from me. I endured the worst moments of my life three times and inside I was screaming please don't please don't please let me have it and he let me have it. Yes, a child's love, a mother's love, a father's love will never prevail. Never!!!!
But there is another kind of love, something I've never had before. Which was also due to the fact that after every disappointment in my life I built my wall up more and more, until it got to the point that I hadn't let anyone get close to me.
Until two years ago. There it was, the moment, we chatted and I asked disco or restaurant, he said we're welcome to go out for dinner before partying. Less than 30 minutes later I asked "plan or spontaneously". He says "spontaneously".
And then the time had come, 40 minutes later we were facing each other and I don't know what and why it was like that, but I knew something was different. He was different, we were different.
How can that be, how can you fall in love instantly? But that's how it was, oh my god I'm in love. Today, two years later, I have a healthy man by my side, I am very lucky to have someone who would do anything, really anything for me, who loves me, who cares about me, who helps me when I need help who probably knows more about Parkinson's than I do, who hugs me at night when I can't bear the pain. Who caresses me until I fall asleep. Who accompanies me to every appointment and also ends it in an emergency when he sees that I can no longer do it. Who writes to me every day how much he loves me. And a million things more. An incredible feeling that is so good for me. That's good for us, yes, I also give him a lot.
And my friend at the time was right. Because afterwards we realized that we had met several times in our lives, that we had been to the same event, in the same room, several times in our lives. We just never noticed each other.
So yes, I stopped looking and found great happiness. Love.
I want to get to know you, I'm interested in the fact that you have Parkinson's, but you're not Parkinson's, you're Dini.
My dear…. I thank you endlessly for everything that was, for everything that is to come. Love has always been stronger than anything else.
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